Your face is a jimmy john
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
