I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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