Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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