Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize