You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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