Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
