i already hear my dad disowning me
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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