My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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