Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
