I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize