i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
