why didn't you poke me back
grandma shit on top of the toilet
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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