Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We left an ass print on the piano.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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