capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I have feelings that need drinking.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
