just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
