I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Congratulations! We have a period
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