I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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