I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
