He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
