I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
high people should be assigned attendants
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
