people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
