So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she smelled like a LAN party
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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