i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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