In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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