DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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