So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
