were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
