I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
