I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize