so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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