so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
