now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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