I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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