I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
