Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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