the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
