Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize