For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
