What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
