So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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