Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
