If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
