I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
