Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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