apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
