I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
