Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Houston, we have a squirter
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
