I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
