Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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