The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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