somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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