why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
