The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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