If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
whose ass print is on the piano?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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