I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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