I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize