you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
