Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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