There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
