I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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