Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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