Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He did a backflip because drugs
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
