Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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