I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
