You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
