Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
