carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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