I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
