community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
