No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
