i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
