I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
