I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
