I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize