So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
